Silence

Silence is demonic, it's when the devil seals your lips, when everything you need to say, will never ever slip

Silence is when your told to shhh, so nobody else will know,how hurt someone has made you, and how they tore out your soul

Silence is a form of suicide,it will never let you go, your destiny leads you to die, lips still sealed so no one will know

But here's the secret to silence, you just need a single friend, to ask the right questions, so that silence will end

Bruises can be hidden, tears can be dried, but silence and secrets are seen within ones eyes.

When you feel so alone, silent and scared, there's someone to save you, so your soul will be spared.

#Missing Some Friends :'(

A Letter to My Dear Friends

As we near December, many things are ending. The year is ending, of course. We are reaching a climax in energy and Global Enlightenment, also obvious, at least to quite a few. However, we do not realize that this time of year is one to be thankful for what we have. It is a time to look back on what we have done. It is a time to realize or wrong doings. A time to acknowledge that we are BEAUTIFULLY IMPERFECT. It is a time for us to love ourselves and the world around us.

We do not know whether we will wake up tomorrow. I, personally, do not think the world will end December 21, 2012, but if it did, would you be happy with yourselves? Would you be pleased with how you have treated one another? Can you legitimately say you have done nothing wrong? If you have said yes, you just lied to yourself. Yes, you just did, and if you lie to yourself, you have essentially, from a broader perspective, lied to the world. If you have accepted the truth, and your answer was no, than i congratulate you, for you have acknowledged the imperfections that are a part of you. Being imperfect is not bad, much against our popular beliefs. We do not have to be pretty little perfect Barbie dolls to the world. However, this does not give us the permission to openly behave in a negative manner.

I love you all, and as we continue on. I am here if you ever need to speak. None of us are on this journey alone. Don't push yourselves away over disagreements that will fade in time. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in your journey. Have faith in the things you love. Have hope that you will wake up in the morning and find a whole new opportunity to make the world a better place. It takes one soul, one heart to make a difference. A single word or a single hug can save a life or change someone's outlook on the world.

One of the many motto's I live by is, "Be the change that you want to see the world."

Upon telling you this, I challenge you to at least try and do this, just for one day at least. You can look out on the world with the most negative outlook or you can take it upon yourselves to make the world a better place. I will leave you with these thoughts, since I have nothing more to say.

With love in my heart and faith for a better tomorrow.

P.S.: This letter didn't quite go where I wanted to, but I guess it went where it was supposed to go.

Apps

Our brains are like computers. They are computers. They have memory. They can be programmed.

Hell, I can remember when my mother held me in the kitchen and I was two. My father was standing beside her...

I was two. Yet I have a memory of being held, of seeing, of feeling safe for a time. My mother did not drop me, so I learned to to feel safe when I was  held.
They say when we exercise, Our bodies remember what it is we expect them to do, so our muscles respond, react, step up to the challenge we put before them, and that is how we get into shape.

Our brains store images, just like computers, and  we can access those images whenever we want to. Sometimes those images play even when we don't  want them to--they call that post traumatic stress--the wires have crossed, the stored images override the peaceful images we want to upload. There is nothing to be done. Maybe call the Geek Squad to help erase that which you no longer want.

Sometimes the brain outwits the will, and we hold our heads, massage our temples futilely  trying to erase what is there. Good luck.

At least one of my friends is worried about what I might write here, while drunk...compromised as it were, because the brain apparently gets loose and garbled when alcohol is introduced. I want to say, see? See what I can do inebriated? Look. Coherent observations. So there. No vengeful essays, no embarrassing revelations. Just me ruminating about how brains mimic computers.

What if we could download an app that could override all of the negative stuff that has been programmed in over the years? What if we could override hate and bigotry and replace it with love and acceptance? Wipe out the hard drive of people who do not  get how love is supposed to work and reprogram them so that they get it, what love is, absent bitterness and pain and all that goes along with that --that code that has been previously written--REWRITE IT!

DOWNLOAD IT!

Heal yourself.

Oh god I wish there was an app for love.

#Written while drunk !!

It's because I think too much

I've always seen things other people didn't, felt things, questioned things - and while that set me apart and made me horribly lonely, sometimes, i valued it because i didn't want to be another mindless individual and because it made me who i am. but there is a point where it just goes to far. where you begin to think so much, you forget how to feel. how to live. how to TRUST - yourself, others, life.

Before i talk, i think of how it could be misunderstood. when others speak, i wonder what they really mean. i read between the lines when there is nothing between the lines. it becomes hard for me to take things at face value. i used to see things no one else saw, now i see things that aren't there. it takes a conscious effort for me to believe people care about me when they say they do or even when they show it. and this overthinking and overanalysing is *agonizing*, mostly because it breeds fear and doubt. i believe in the importance of questioning things, but trust is just as important. And questioning everything can be just as dangerous as questioning nothing.

And i think part of it is overcompensation. I've been misunderstood all my life, so i always act as it i am walking on glass, trying to make sure not to say the wrong thing. i have seen the fakeness of people who lie to even themselves, and i avoid that so obsessively that i feel like i am losing myself anyway. all these fears are counterproductive.

But, things are changing. i am changing. and it had been working, so much so that over the past weeks, a number of people have commented on it. Interestingly enough, it starts in the mind. my thoughts still plague me, sometimes, and the progress sometimes feels unbearably slow (but i try to focus on the small victories and the little efforts, not on the failures or the immensity of the task) but i think i am starting to take ownership over my thoughts, rather than letting them own me.

Is That Too Much To Ask ?

I feel that I'm a puzzle. Whenever a new person enters my life, I make a quick estimate of the person, try to figure out, just how much information of me is this person is going to handle and make the adjustments to the basic puzzle and hand it over for the person to solve. I feel that if I would give all the pieces for my puzzle that person would get overwhelmed and would probably turn around and run away without even trying to solve the puzzle.

I wish there would become a time that I could just give the whole box, without thinking and over-analyzing the pieces first. That there would be a time that I wouldn't have to try to hide all those dark pieces that form the bottom of puzzle. I have handed those dark pieces to some people that I've thought that would be able to handle it, but most times I've regretted doing so. I feel like I'm scrabbling, trying to keep those dark pieces in my hand as long as I can... as soon as they are on the table I feel that it's close to game over for me. Then there are some turquoise pieces that I do not dare to give to my relatives... they would probably think that I'm totally insane.

So where does all this piece hoarding lead me? I feel so incomplete, unfinished. There's lots of different versions of me, but nobody seems to finish the whole puzzle! I'm not asking them to solve the puzzle all alone, I'd be more than ready to help them, if they would only ask! Could you handle all the pieces and solve this puzzle?