It's because I think too much

I've always seen things other people didn't, felt things, questioned things - and while that set me apart and made me horribly lonely, sometimes, i valued it because i didn't want to be another mindless individual and because it made me who i am. but there is a point where it just goes to far. where you begin to think so much, you forget how to feel. how to live. how to TRUST - yourself, others, life.

Before i talk, i think of how it could be misunderstood. when others speak, i wonder what they really mean. i read between the lines when there is nothing between the lines. it becomes hard for me to take things at face value. i used to see things no one else saw, now i see things that aren't there. it takes a conscious effort for me to believe people care about me when they say they do or even when they show it. and this overthinking and overanalysing is *agonizing*, mostly because it breeds fear and doubt. i believe in the importance of questioning things, but trust is just as important. And questioning everything can be just as dangerous as questioning nothing.

And i think part of it is overcompensation. I've been misunderstood all my life, so i always act as it i am walking on glass, trying to make sure not to say the wrong thing. i have seen the fakeness of people who lie to even themselves, and i avoid that so obsessively that i feel like i am losing myself anyway. all these fears are counterproductive.

But, things are changing. i am changing. and it had been working, so much so that over the past weeks, a number of people have commented on it. Interestingly enough, it starts in the mind. my thoughts still plague me, sometimes, and the progress sometimes feels unbearably slow (but i try to focus on the small victories and the little efforts, not on the failures or the immensity of the task) but i think i am starting to take ownership over my thoughts, rather than letting them own me.